Thursday, August 2, 2007

10 Things I Hate About Drew

J.D. Drew drives me bonkers. My friend Justin refers to him as Nancy Drew, which I’m a fan of, but I also think that Nancy was too favorable a character to be compared to J.Dickhead. So, without further ado, I give you the list of things about J.D. that make me see red (no pun intended).

1: He is making 14.4 million dollars this year.
There was a time when I wouldn’t have cared about this, but seriously, we’ve gotten to the point where money is just too uneven in baseball. JD Drew’s salary is 60% of the entire Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ payroll.

2: He is batting under .250.
Since when is a player paid this much to have a lower batting average than Alex Cora? Seriously, just answer that one for me.

3: He has 40 RBI.
I’m fine with Drew being behind Lowell, Ortiz, Manny, and even Youk. But behind Coco Crisp, Jason Varitek and freaking Julio Lugo? Give me a break.

4: He’s so injury prone, that even when he’s healthy we need an insurance policy.
After signing him for that ridiculous contract, the Sox still made a run at Jermaine Dye before the trade deadline. Now there’s a J.D. I could root for.

5: His name is David Jonathan Drew.
Think about that one. It will make your brain hurt.

6: He has played 14 fewer games than Manny Ramirez.
The poster child for finding excuses to take days off has actually appeared in 104 games this year. Drew has actually surprised me by making it onto the field for 90, but not all of those (see: today) are games he started.

7: My Trot Nixon jersey is now a JD Drew jersey.
Seriously, this one sucks. Trot was a true member of the Red Sox. He hit the walk off against the A’s in game 3 in the 2003 AL Division Series. He even grew a handlebar ‘stache for the old “dirt dog” look. Now my #7 jersey is tainted because the jerkoff who took Trot’s place in right field decided to be a number-vulture.

8: He’s never gone all out for a fly ball.
Ever notice how often Coco goes vertical trying to get to a ball? Have you ever seen Drew do that? No. And chances are you never will.

9: He’s a selfish crybaby.
Remember the tantrum he threw in Los Angeles over his contract with the Dodgers? Fortunately the Sox probably avoided that by paying him about 90 times what he’s worth. No, seriously, he’s making 50 times more than Dustin Pedroia this year. That’s not an exaggeration. Look it up.

10: He’s a racist anti-Semite.
I actually have no evidence for this, but I don’t like him so let’s just roll with it.

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